Saturday, January 13, 2007

Arts and Craffs

I’ve come to the point where I need to craff. “Craffing”, a compound word of my fancy that combines “cry” and “laugh,” is what I try to do when I am so frustrated that I want to cry but I either can’t or just plain don’t want to. In those situations where you feel like your only options for response are to laugh or cry, in an amazing consistency with my inability to make a choice once and for all and stick by it I choose to craff. I choose to craff because I feel like crap.

Craffing article #1: How do I waste so much time and energy? HOW? My inefficiency, indecisiveness and inability to make a plan and stick to it are driving me insane(r). Why can’t I be less craffy and more crafty?

Addendum to craffing article #1: F**K!

Craffing article #2: I’m hungry and absolutely no food appeals to me. And I’m not just talking about the slender pickin’s left over in my kitchen from the last time I went grocery shopping (a faint and distant memory) but all of the theoretical food in the world. If I could just name a food, any food, and have it magically appear I still wouldn’t feel any desire or preference for any one thing more than another. Okay, true, maybe this is normal since my attention would naturally be focused on just having had my mind blown by this freakish, new supernatural superpower. But still, I think you get my point.

Craffing article 2.1: Metaphor. This eating situation is both literally true and the perfect metaphor for my current attitude toward all food, material or “spiritual.” There is nothing that I really want in life. The light bulb at the end of my current tunnel must have burnt out because the only “goal” I’m working toward (if 80% craffing about work and 20% actual working may be so called) seems only to be leading me to a swirling vortex that leads to a black hole. (No perverted interpretations of “black hole” allowed. I’m being serious in my craffing here). This sucks! (here you are invited to smoan [smile and groan] at the combo of “swirling vortex” and “this sucks!” but still no perversions please).

Crafffing article #3: I really do need to get back to work, figure-of-speech-God-because-I-am-a-staunch-atheist help me! If I don’t get to work my boss (my superego) is going to kill me. I’m just going to indulge in one or two more minutes of craffing before I do: [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff] [craff]…fin.

Addendum to craffing article #3: F**K!

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